What do you call a power runner for the Fighting Irish arrested for DUI? The drunk back of Notre Dame.

Glow-in-the-dark roads designed to replace street lights made their debut in the Netherlands. “No streetlights?” say concerned teenagers. “How do they text and drive?"

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Ex-Brier champs Kevin Koe, Jeff Stoughton and Glenn Howard will each have up to three new players next year. Curling will see more guys crossed out and pencilled in than Taylor Swift's date book.

A Milwaukee man has invented a sandwich with at least one filling for every letter of the alphabet. So there should be enough letters to spell acute respiratory failure.

Defensive end Jason Vega re-signed with the Bombers the same day he popped the question. He now looks forward to scraps, verbal abuse, getting pushed around and battling offensive people. And that's just the wedding planning.

Former NFL receiver Chad Johnson has signed with the Montreal Alouettes. Too bad they don’t still play at Olympic Stadium. The Big O-chocinco has a ring to it.

CHAD JOHNSON JOINED THE CFL AS AN ALOUETTE

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Winnipeg Jets GM Kevin Cheveldayoff called goalie Ondrej Pavelic's frequent bad games "bumps along the way.” Bumps? That’s like calling the Grand Canyon a dimple.

Another Sports Deke random ice crew pic. We bring good cheer.

Police in Poland say an alleged thief tried to hide his loot by swallowing it - including six wristwatches. X-rays later showed the watches took a licking but kept on ticking.

SI swimsuit model Kate Upton told the Sun (UK) she thinks about the largeness of her breasts at least twice a day. Yeah, her and a few million men.

The NCAA has approved unlimited snacks for athletes. Or as they call it in the CFL, a marquee player's salary.

Reuters reports a Mumbai politician who is campaigning dressed as Spider-Man is gaining popularity in India. I imagine he's got a great web campaign.

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The Saskatchewan Roughriders rewarded quarterback Darian Durant with a contract extension. The deal is said to involve multiple years and all the water he can walk on.


SASKATCHEWAN QB DARIAN DURANT

The world’s most decorated Olympian, Michael Phelps, announced his return to the swimming pool. That brings you up to Speedo.

Curling gold-medallists Kaitlyn Lawes and Brad Jacobs were feted at Rogers Centre prior to a MLB game. Good for Blue Jays fans; they still recall how to applaud a champion.

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A pair of Wall Street financiers bought Milwaukee’s last-place NBA team for $550 million. There’s a shrewd investment: over half a billion dollars to get a few lousy Bucks.

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Randy Ferbey has been chosen for the World Curling Hall of Fame. Assuming they can get that head through the door.

I haven't eaten dried beans since Ash Wednesday. I gave them up for lentil.

Newly released CIA files mention playing Red Hot Chili Peppers music as part of torturing a detainee. If that didn’t work, they tried Coach’s Corner with Don Cherry.

Another Sports Deke random ice crew pic. We bring good cheer.